For the last few days, I’ve been working on an extensive review of the latest parenting book I checked out from the library.
But now I feel like posting it would be one big farce. Today has been an awful parenting day, and I’m just completely overwhelmed with parenting. Who am I to be posting tips on parenting?! So I’m not going to. I’m going to vent and ramble grumpily instead. Because I feel like it. Feel free to stop reading now if you don’t want to listen to whining. Lots and lots of whining.
Finley has been sick since Sunday. I’m not really sure what’s wrong exactly. On Sunday he complained that his head hurt, had a fever, and was laying around all day. It takes a lot to keep him down. He had a fever of 101 yesterday, and was still bouncing off the walls. He also threw up once on Sunday (all of his special formula and everything else consumed in the last 10+ hours… thanks, gastroparesis!). All over my most favorite dry clean only fur blanket from Pottery Barn. I washed it despite the dry clean only warning, multiple times, desperate to get the vomit stench out, but no such luck. Into the trash it went.
Today The Littlest Apple stayed home from Mother’s Day Out because he still has a fever. But other than making him a little extra cranky and whiny, he isn’t really acting sick. And I may have a touch of whatever he has. I really could have used that 5 hours to myself today.
He’s gotten up at 5:30 in the morning for the last 2 days. Ugh! Those days I take naps when he takes his nap, just to make it through the day. Otherwise I’m completely useless by dinner time at 7:15.
We’ve totally regressed in potty training. Accidents left and right. 3 or 4 a DAY, which is more than he had when we began potty training. Thankfully the last 2 days have been better, but it has been extremely frustrating for the last 2 weeks.
Lots of discipline issues too. He’s not listening. One of my biggest pet peeves is not being heard and having to repeat myself, and this alone is a major hurdle for me as a parent. He also runs away from us when we want him to do something (take medicine, get dressed, etc). He’s started this nails-on-a-chalkboard shrieking thing in response to anything he doesn’t like, including but not limited to getting dressed, going to the potty, eating dinner, putting away toys, me touching/moving his toys, turning off the TV, the list goes on and on. We’re trying hard to remind him to use his words, but it is a constant battle.
The Picky Apple and I have been trying all kinds of different approaches for various parenting issues, and nothing is really working. I’m feeling very helpless. Timeout DEFINITELY isn’t working for us. Time IN works on occasion, but that takes some real patience which I seem to be lacking. I bought a timer to use, and that works occasionally: “It’s time to go inside when the timer goes off in 2 minutes, okay?” Sometimes I even let him pick the length of time. There is usually still lots of screaming. I’ve tried saying what he CAN do instead of what he can’t, but I still find myself saying NO STOP DON’T way too often. And he doesn’t listen to any of it.
I’m really struggling. And feeling like a bit of failure. I only have ONE child. I have friends with 2 and 3 kids who seem to be managing multiple kids in addition to work, school, and other big life changes just fine. The Picky Apple and I are BOTH feeling like we can’t handle any more children right now. The “maybe one?” sentiment has turned in to “definitely only one!” We can’t even handle the one we’ve got!
Before kids, I never thought I had a bad temper. I always saw myself as patient and kind, with the occasional bad day and hissy fit. Since The Littlest Apple was born, I’ve developed a temper that I’m always struggling to keep in check. (Gee, I wonder where The Littlest Apple gets HIS temper from?!) And when I fail to keep it in check (like today), it isn’t pretty. I scream, then I feel guilty for screaming, promise myself I won’t do that again. But then it happens again. And again.
Feeding issues are worse than normal since The Littlest Apple is sick, though honestly not by much, because our normal is pretty awful to begin with. (Can you say pity party?) Total Boost consumed today? About 6 ounces. Tonight’s dinner was 3 tiny slices of apple (no peel allowed, lest it be flicked on the floor or spit out), 1 bite of tortilla chip. The rest of the meals have been similarly stellar. At lunch he smushed stuff down with his sippy cup, just for fun and ate none of it. Awesome, right?
On top of that, we’re STILL waiting to get his NG tube placed. Having the tube placement hanging over my head is making me a little crazy as well. Let’s just get ON WITH IT ALREADY!! It’s been a week since I last heard from the nurse, who is supposed to set everything up for us. At that point, she said she was waiting for some of the home health agencies to call her back. I called today to follow up. She said that she can’t find a company to take our insurance. I’m having trouble believing that. In a town as large as Houston, with one of the major insurance providers in the nation, surely SOMEONE will take our insurance. Now she’s supposed to be talking to the Dr. about tube placement at the hospital. That will solve that problem, I suppose, but what about follow up care at home? Will we have to drive the 45 minutes to the children’s hospital (and pay for a hospital visit every time!) any time we need a new tube? I’m about ready to start calling home health companies myself, but that’s a little overwhelming too. And since my child can’t stop screaming long enough for me to make a phone call today (ok, I’m a little bitter), I guess it will have to wait. I hate the waiting.
Since my initial post about the NG tube, we’ve decided to just leave the tube in 24/7 instead of putting it in each night and taking it out in the morning. Even though it might get ripped out occasionally, I think once The Littlest Apple gets used to it, it might be okay. His preschool is okay with the tube, and I don’t want to add an NG tube battle to our nighttime routine right now. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that we’re going to be getting lots of attention when we go out as a result of the NG tube. And that people’s first impression of The Littlest Apple is that he is a sick child and all of the stereotypes that go along with that. I know The Littlest Apple doesn’t care about those things, but I do, unfortunately. And I’m still feeling incredibly guilty about it all. I’m the mother that can’t get her kid to eat enough, and GREAT! now there’s proof for everyone to see in the form of a tube taped to his face (and a constant reminder to myself of my failure to adequately feed my child, in case I ever forget for half a second). I know, I KNOW it’s not my fault, but there is still some Serious Mommy Guilt.
So, that’s why you haven’t seen any great crafts or recipes or home improvement things from me lately. I’m barely keeping my head above water in this big ocean of parenting, pardon the goofy metaphor.
Just so I’m not ending this post on a negative note, here are some things I’m thankful for today:
- new episodes of Glee (hooray!!) and Lost
- my husband, who truly understands what it is like to be The Littlest Apple’s parent
- the margarita ingredients my husband brought home today, knowing I had a rough day
- the delicious Honey Lime Enchiladas I made for dinner
- the beautiful new paint in my bedroom
I’ll be back tomorrow with something happier, okay? Maybe a sneak peak at that beautiful new bedroom paint, and info on a great painting tool I discovered….